I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I understand Curling. That high.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
