Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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