look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
