Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
a search helicopter?!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just want to make out with him forever
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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