There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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