That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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