New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
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