dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
