and i looked up. we had an audience...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
