he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
And then my night got REAL pukey
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
