I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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