we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
