A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
