After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
