i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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