when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
