I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
