I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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