Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
