She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
false alarm, still single
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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