If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
