So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize