this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
