Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
