I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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