if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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