I heard we made out
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
