and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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