I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
