Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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