um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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