I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
