What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
