Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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