I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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