Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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