Ambien. No doubt about it.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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