wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
