I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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