There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
