Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
