So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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