the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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