You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
