Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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