It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
