Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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