The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
