There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
