He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
