Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
