bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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