ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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