Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
