I am midnight drunk by noon
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
