people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
