Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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