I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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