Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
