If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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