I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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