I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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