We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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